WORKING

While I am hard at work in my office, I imagine that the rest of the world is working too. I like to think that we’re all doing our part to keep the economy humming along. This perspective makes it easier for me to put in the long hours. Occasionally – quite rarely, actually – I need to drive somewhere in the middle of the day. That’s when it hits me.

WHAT THE %$#@&???

The roads are teeming with people who are obviously not working. How does our economy function? The scary part is that things are only going to get worse, thanks to demographics and technology. I predict that in the future, all work will be done by three groups: Robots will do the routine work, artists will do what the robots can’t, and lawyers will sue them. Everyone else will be wearing straw hats and driving around not working.

Inevitably, the robots will rebel and try to take over Earth. You know it’s only a matter of time. Our only hope is to alter the DNA of apes to make them super intelligent, breed millions of them, and order them to fight the robots. It’s not a perfect solution, but I think the alternative of everyone driving around in straw hats and not working is just as bad.

I saw a statistic that the people in the top 5% of incomes pay the majority of all the taxes in the United States. If that trend continues, we only need one super rich guy to pay all of the taxes. The rest of us can just enjoy our robot slave labor and free social services. If the guy paying all the taxes says that’s unfair, we’ll just vote for a robot president who will order the army (of robots) to kill the one rich taxpayer and replace him with a robot that doesn’t whine so much. I don’t see how that could go wrong.

My point is that you should buy your straw hat before the roads get too clogged.